"All I can do is be me, whoever that is."

I'm deciding a few things about myself. I'm usually pretty all over the place in terms of who I think I am and who I want to be. So I'm just going to try to write the things I am.

• I'm mean. Get over it. My humor is sarcastic and I am cynical towards most things in my life. I've probably judged you at some point in time, and i love to gossip. I'm probably a bad person for all of those things, but at least I can admit it.
• I LIKE being that way. I mean, I know girls are supposed to be all nice and demure and/or slutty and dumb or something like that. But I think I'm hysterical. Most people can't seem to wrap their heads around the idea that I find toilet humor funny, I think the penis game should be played more often, yet I still really enjoy doing my hair and makeup. Ah well.
• Sometimes, I feel like my life would be easier if I was a guy. I wouldn't get ragged on as much. And I feel like guys don't have nearly as much pressure to stay in shape.
• On that note, I am finally starting to come to terms with my body. I need to start focusing on the things that I like about myself. Like my boobs. Or my long legs that are still miraculously in shape from marching season. Or my RED hair. (YES it's red. NOT. BROWN.) I even like my long fingers and the fact that my nails look really long even when they're cut short.
  
• HOWEVER I still have raging insecurities. I am so afraid that I am the "fat friend". Whenever I express these worries, they always get squashed. Usually by my friends and family. But what kind of person would tell their friend, "Yup. You're the fat friend that some poor dude's wingman is distracting right now."
  
• I'm loud. And probably obnoxious. It's the whole raging insecurities bit I think. If people don't want me that way, then I can at least try to be funny, right? It's pretty pathetic.
• I really want to let people in. But half the time I think they won't care. Or that they don't want to hear my petty problems. Like "Boo-hoo I think I'm fat." Seriously, I need a life.
• I like to mend relationships. This (school) year, I feel like I've repaired a lot of things that used to be broken. Not just between myself and another person, but the issues that I had that caused those fissures in the first place. It's quite nice. I'm still pretty mean (at least in my sense of humor), but I do love having friends, and hopefully, being a good friend to them too.

There are a lot of other things about myself I need to decide upon. I need to figure out who I am before I can really make any other big decisions about my life. We'll see how things go from here.

Oh, and P.S. The title is a Bob Dylan quote. I stole it from a high school friends facebook. Sadly, I am not as creative as I would like to think I am.