So last Thursday I woke up and the thought of walking to class made me want to die. So I called my mom and she took me home for a doctor's appointment, worried about the fact that I had been sick for the past two weeks and hadn't gotten any better. So we go to the doctor and I get a strep test done, which comes back negative. My doctor seems pretty concerned about the fact that there's nothing she can do, and sends me home with orders to drink lots and not move my butt for the next three days. I go home. I throw up. I nap. I throw up again. By this point, I can barely swallow anything, even water. I try to sleep, but end up tossing and turning the entire night. I wake up around 6am on Friday and get sick yet again. I basically lay comatose on my couch all day, not eating, not drinking, and trying not to die. After barely sleeping that night, I get sick twice in the morning. Happy Valentine's Day! So my mom decides to take me to the doctor again to see what's wrong. The doctor thinks it might be mono, but says it's more important that I get to the ER right away to get fluids in me and get blood tests done. So I spend all day with an IV in my arm and the doctor telling me the mono test came back negative, but after it cultured it could come back positive. (Kinda like a strep test) So I go home and am able to eat for the first time in three days. I go to bed. I don't sleep. I get sick in the morning and try to drink. My dad is forcing pedialyte down my throat now. On Monday I got sick twice again. But my doctor gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs for my throat, and so far they've been a miracle pill. I've been eating and drinking. Hopefully I'll be able to walk more than 10 feet soon without feeling like I got the wind knocked out of me.

I never, ever want anyone to feel like this. Imagine the worst sore throat of your entire life, a killer sinus infection, constant nausea, and extreme weakness. I really want to get back to school soon, and am praying that it's not mono. I'm pretty sure it's not, since I haven't had a fever. (Thank you baby Jesus.) But we'll see. I miss everyone at school. I just miss being a student and getting stuff done. I'm tired of being so TIRED all the time.

I feel again.

Happy, angry, sad, excited, just anything. I feel. I need to work on realizing the good that is coming out of this and not focus on the bad. I AM happy, I just need to remind myself of that when I'm feeling angry or sad. I will not let my passionate side take me over again, nor will I slip into the comatose state of half-me that I was for a very long time. I am working on a happy medium.