I haven't felt like this since last Fall. I hate that I can feel this way again. I feel worthless. Meaningless. I don't mean anything to anyone except as a funny girl to laugh at. I follow my dream and get kicked in the ass because of it. I'm so tired of being told again and again that I'm not good enough.

We were never needed in the Sisterhood. And boy, has it been proven to me today. I would like nothing more than to just leave for a little while. It really bothers me that the cons of being in TBS have far outweighed the pros. Once again, I am thinking my life would be better if I had never pledged. I hope this will pass, but seriously. I won't get any positions next year with no experience, especially after going abroad. I feel like the sisters are punishing me for going away. Haven't you punished us enough? Does it make you feel good to break me again and again?

I just keep learning that it's better to be cynical and apathetic. Then I won't get hurt. I'm so passionate about what I do and I always, ALWAYS end up getting hurt. What's the point anymore? I have yet to be proven wrong. And it's not just that I didn't get the position I wanted. It's that on top of everything else. I know this sounds shitty and immature, but I haven't had a guy like me since I was sixteen years old. I have gained weight this semester. I'm not in any honor societies. I don't have an internship. I'm not doing anything with my life. Just wasting away in a worthless major trying to make people like me by being ridiculous.

Please, help me. I can't fall into this hole again. I've been okay for the past few months and now it's all gone to shit.