There's nothing like watching Moulin Rouge to make me feel super lonely. EMOTASTIC!

I am so happy, and I don't even know why. I love it. I wake up smiling, and go to bed giggling. Even when I'm super stressed with school and the like, I'm still happy. I can't even explain it. Is this what I have been missing for so long?

I am addicted. Traveling was AWESOME. Quote time:

After Ben mistakenly sings "Candy Shop" instead of "Magic Stick" and yells at Brad for saying otherwise. "Yeah. You're an asshole." -Brad

After Ben's epic introduction on Landon Milbourne. "Who?" - Joe Marsala

Eli opens the boy to the Tuba boys' room: "It smells like a french whore in here!"

In reference to getting wine at dinner: "Psssst. Can we have some passbacks?" -Mike DeFlorio

"The only time I have thrown up and it has tasted good was after eating gelato and a roman taxi ride." -Joe Chapman

"Oh, Andrew Mulder. You underestimate the power of my balls." -Joe Chapman

"Never have I ever had more than one sexual partner." - Dave
"Like one at a time?" - Mike DeFlorio

"Ooooh Jeopardy! Good bar show." -Andrew Mulder

"I swear that group of pre-teens was standing there before." - Ben Brown
"Those are the cheerleaders, Ben." -Andrew Mulder

"Wait, what room is Eli in?" -Ben
"806 or something like that." -Me
"Wanna put a cactus under his door?" -Ben

In reference to taking it. "Thank god there aren't any black men here."
Everyone stares pointedly at Trevor.

"Have your way with me." -Mike Matthais

"Good dig, Mulder." -Joe Chapman
"Were you watching my balls.?" -Andrew Mulder

"I would rather drink my own cum than drink Mad Dog." - Joe Chapman

"YOU FUCKING SHOT ME." -Ben Brown

I can't go to Men's ACC because I have a shit ton of work to do. Which makes me sad, but hopefully I'll be able to travel again some time with the women!

It was mono.

However, to make up for my status as a leper, a few things have happened that make my life a little better:

• I signed my lease for 713. I am so pumped to live there next year.
• SNOW DAY. TWO exams were postponed today.
• I feel healthy. For once.

BUT most of the time, my life is just a huge joke.

So last Thursday I woke up and the thought of walking to class made me want to die. So I called my mom and she took me home for a doctor's appointment, worried about the fact that I had been sick for the past two weeks and hadn't gotten any better. So we go to the doctor and I get a strep test done, which comes back negative. My doctor seems pretty concerned about the fact that there's nothing she can do, and sends me home with orders to drink lots and not move my butt for the next three days. I go home. I throw up. I nap. I throw up again. By this point, I can barely swallow anything, even water. I try to sleep, but end up tossing and turning the entire night. I wake up around 6am on Friday and get sick yet again. I basically lay comatose on my couch all day, not eating, not drinking, and trying not to die. After barely sleeping that night, I get sick twice in the morning. Happy Valentine's Day! So my mom decides to take me to the doctor again to see what's wrong. The doctor thinks it might be mono, but says it's more important that I get to the ER right away to get fluids in me and get blood tests done. So I spend all day with an IV in my arm and the doctor telling me the mono test came back negative, but after it cultured it could come back positive. (Kinda like a strep test) So I go home and am able to eat for the first time in three days. I go to bed. I don't sleep. I get sick in the morning and try to drink. My dad is forcing pedialyte down my throat now. On Monday I got sick twice again. But my doctor gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs for my throat, and so far they've been a miracle pill. I've been eating and drinking. Hopefully I'll be able to walk more than 10 feet soon without feeling like I got the wind knocked out of me.

I never, ever want anyone to feel like this. Imagine the worst sore throat of your entire life, a killer sinus infection, constant nausea, and extreme weakness. I really want to get back to school soon, and am praying that it's not mono. I'm pretty sure it's not, since I haven't had a fever. (Thank you baby Jesus.) But we'll see. I miss everyone at school. I just miss being a student and getting stuff done. I'm tired of being so TIRED all the time.

I feel again.

Happy, angry, sad, excited, just anything. I feel. I need to work on realizing the good that is coming out of this and not focus on the bad. I AM happy, I just need to remind myself of that when I'm feeling angry or sad. I will not let my passionate side take me over again, nor will I slip into the comatose state of half-me that I was for a very long time. I am working on a happy medium.

I am so happy. Even now, when I can feel my freak outs in the back of my mind, I can keep them at bay. Every once and a while it bubbles up and I feel a taste of the out of control and lost person I was for such a long time, but really I'm happy. My friends, my family, and everything in my life now makes me happy instead of sad. I feel like I did first semester freshman year. I AM.
And that's enough for me. If anyone has ever read the book Bloomability, there is a character who just yells "Viva! Viva!" whenever he feels really alive and happy. And I feel like yelling it to. I am finally, finally starting to be okay just BEING. It's weird, and sounds really trippy, but it's getting there.

I'm so excited for the rest of my life.